My friend Marcia had planned to send 100 postcards on Wednesday, as part of the Ides of March campaign. And when I say “planned”—I mean planned. She designed and printed them out days in advance, had the appropriate postage at the ready, blocked out time on her calendar on Tuesday to write them and time on Wednesday to mail them. If you ever need to run a resistance campaign, Marcia’s the woman you want. Just don’t expect her to knit a pussy hat, though she could probably forge you one in steel.
While she’d planned to send 100, she found it so emotionally exhausting “to actually write down one horrible condition after another that needs attention in the White House” that she stopped at 30. Here are some of her “requests for things to keep in mind or do, if you are the POTUS.”
Postcards for every occasion
Marcia offered the addressee (“President Donald Trump, or Current Occupant”) some Civics 101 lessons—about the three branches of government, for instance. And since presidenting involves lots of big words, she helped define some for him:
— “regulation” is not a dirty word. it’s a rule or directive made and maintained by an authority to provide a public good, such as clean water or education.
She provided the kind of wisdom any competent HR professional might. But since the administration is woefully understaffed at all levels, there’s probably no one around to say sensible things like:
— if you see Steve Bannon, tell him to wash his hair. Lack of grooming signifies entitlement + disrespect.
— if you see Ivanka, ask her what her friends are saying about you. Take corrective action.
— Jeff Sessions is compromised by Russian interference. Oh, and also a white male supremacist. He needs to resign.
And she asked some good questions—keeping them short in deference to the presidential attention span:
— why homophobia, again?
Sarcasm, glorious sarcasm
But she really outdid herself in the sarcasm department, with comments as pointed and unexpected as a stiletto to the ribcage.
— corruption is when you misuse a position of authority or special access to take control of something that does not belong to you, such as the Judiciary.
— decimating the Affordable Care Act destroys Euro-American lives, too
— white men alone cannot save the world, even for their exclusive benefit disregarding all others.
— looking for ways to pay for your hair-brained wall? Try federal entitlement programs that disproportionately benefit rich white men. It’s a treasure trove. [Note: Marcia is smart enough to know the word is “hare-brained.” A sarcastic pun embedded in a sarcastic comment. It’s the Sondheim internal rhyme of protest]
— please include prescription Impeachara among covered pharmaceuticals in the new decimated ACA. And please keep covering Viagra.
— off-shoring and robots will eliminate the need for an educated work force. Then you can dismantle the DOE. We’re not there yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
— keep the NEA. With 30% real unemployment, that’s a lot of folks who finally have time to go to a museum.
— pussy power is purr-fectly poised to ruin your day; cats communicate with body fluids, and we are pissed.
Please let this be true
The message in one of Marcia’s postcards will probably be lost on the recipient, but I sure needed to hear it. Maybe you do too:
— thanks to social media and intelligence, the days of pitting one oppressed group against another are over. We are united against that bullshit.
Although this round of postcard-writing may be done for now, I suspect we’re in for another. Feel free to recycle any of Marcia’s messages as needed. And a big thanks to her for letting me share them with you.
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